our ms. sandy

sitting pretty, though with some
demon eyes....
no one will break in, I promise...





the couch belongs to ME ME MEPoor Harvey was only with us for about four months. His big body had been through too much--years of neglect and poor nutrition, heartworms, and the worst part--a diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease. In the end, it was his tummy that did him in.

A few months later we adopted this lovely lady, Sandy (yes, that is my mom Sandra's nickname). Sandy is also 7 years old and lived in a small pen with no shade or appropriate housing for her entire life. Heartworms and a variety of other icky worms. Body covered in a yeast infection that has been extremely stubborn to treat.

She's a SWEETHEART. Gentle with people, including spastic toddlers, and good with cats, dogs, and even a parrot. She probably wouldn't work in a house with pet squirrels, but our rehab babies in the backyard just mock her from on high. She's yet another old, beautiful Great Dane spirit who has come to live with us. Smooch.

from 2 to 3

sam celebrates his third birthday (well, it's his fifth birthday, if you ask him) at the ormewood school. yay for cupcakes!










sam ends the day attempting to order all his presents online

words of wisdom, or out of the mouths of babes

(NOTE: THAT IS NOT MY CHILD. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T CAUGHT HIM....YET.)

In living with a toddler, there are words that, even as they are leaving my mouth, I cannot believe I am saying. Some of those words are disturbing or create angst because they make me sound like "one of those mothers." You know, the ones who move through the world paying marginal attention to their kids, and relying on pat answers such as "because I said so." Let me tell you here and now, that after your toddler has asked a thirty minute continuous string of nonsensical "why?" questions, answers such as "because I said so" seem completely logical.

Other utterances are disturbing because of how completely bizarre they sound. Perhaps putting these words down might assure other parents, particularly those with toddler-age children, that you are not alone in your rants, thinly veiled threats, and cop-out "because I said so's."

So here, let me share a few snippets of conversations that have gone on in my house just in the last several days. Most are probably funny only to me, as you had to be in the moment, hear the tone of voice, and experience the context of the statement. Some, however, stand on their own two legs. They are either completely bizarre or hilarious even out of context. Have you heard these conversations around your own house?

1. Sam, get the chop sticks out of your underpants.
2. Look Mommy, tofu out of my mouth just for you!3. Sam, penis back in your underwear.
4. Sam, penis back in your underwear.5. Sam, penis back in your underwear. (You're getting the point here....)
6. Maybe he's a stay at home mushroom. Daddy stays with the baby mushroom and the momma mushroom goes to work.
7. Mom, where's your penis? Sam, girls don't have a penis. (Sam) So do you pee out of your butt?
8. Let's sit on the potty and talk to the poop parrot.
9. I don't love you anymore Mommy, I love Daddy. Mommy, please get me some ice cream.
10. Momma, you're too fat to fit in the bathtub.

It's getting late and I'm exhausted, but these few gems have happened just in the last 24 hours or so. I'll have to keep posting them as they happen, once I've stopped laughing.

what happens when toddlers get digital cameras

a recent portrait of me by sam.
at least my teeth look pretty clean up close.

this week, ambien is my friend

I think it may even improve my writing skills, though I have not formally tested that hypothesis. I don't think I could stay awake long enough to test the hypothesis, which is exactly as I had planned......

an addendum to the "vagina fail" story

the vagina saga continues....

• July 2009, FINALLY PREGNANT
• September 2009, fetus dies
• September 18th, fetus removed
• September 21st, Amy celebrates her 38th birthday in style (meaning in bed, on pain killers)

the story will surely go on, unless I switch my plan to kidnapping a cute baby girl....